Shifting to Emo Mode

Birds are chirping, the sun is shining, the wind is blowing and the flowers are blooming...but my soul is dying. "Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!" had been erased from my dictionary.

Was expecting support from people that were the closest to me but I'd been slapped with a massive dissapointment in the face. Picture perfect painting destroyed right before my eyes. I don't want to be depended on, this burden. When I'd tried to lean on others, it just doesn't seem fair to them, does it?

I want to be selfish, very very selfish. I want to be ignorant, hopelessly ignorant. I had enough of this mask I put on. My emotional pillar is slowly crumbling from within. My sanity is slowly slipping away. Thinking too much is draining my energy. Denial is me and I'm a master escape artist.

A shoutout to the world:
You f&!#%^$# rotten hell hole!!!!!!

I'd wish people would understand me?! Who am I kidding....












It feels like I'm writing a suicide note, S.O.S.

A Whinny Brat, I am.

Kurushii...
Kanashii...
Totemo kurushii...... Doushite...


*sobs* words....A double-edged sword. One strike to the heart and it drains your blood slowly from the inside out. The wound just never seem to heal. The hurt just seem to devour you slowly and painfully.

Can you see that my heart is crying tears of blood? Masking my bloody wound behind that smile.
Every single word, every puny sentences, I'd just swallowed them in.

I'm going insane; depression, schizoprenia, all of them slowly kicking in...
I'm just good at denying. Denial is me.....
Running away is my skill.... After all, I'm just one whinny little brat, ain't I?! AIN'T I??!!

My idea of serenity.

"Sipping on a cup of coffee, reading my favourite book on a rainy day, listening to my favourite CD. The phone rings and someone's voice on the other end cheers me up."

Perfect. Blissful.
No, no family please. No little rugrats running around. Just me, alone, the house.. four walls.
ALONE! ALONE! GET IT?!! DON'T PUSH ME!!

The world is such a cold, cold place. Abusing myself with lies? Denying and suppressing myself what I think I should be feeling? Gripping what is not real but instead, an illusion. It's so hard. I don't deserve to live with others. I can't.

It hurts so much to think that nobody understands you. NONE! Enough of your lies. Don't act as if you know what I've been through.
Don't tell me it's okie. NEVER......... EVER.....
Ssssshhhhhh.... it's good to be quiet every now and then. The voice inside of me, shut up. Just shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!!ENOUGH!!!!
Yeah, I'm one whinny little brat... Is that good enough for you?!

Ah~~ I know. It's time.......... for my adrenaline rush....

Theme song : My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay