Nah, I’m not into fanfict. Just rambling, that’s all.
Immortals Vs. Undead (Gaia)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kalen,
Do you know why we can’t be together? You’re a living mortal and I’m an undead. This unholy union will bring nothing but misery. I’d lived for years seeing misery and pain you can’t comprehend. All the times, I’d pushed you away, why do you think it is so? It’s simply because you and I can’t be together and will never ever. I’d lived far too long I’d forgotten what emotion is like. Love is just a silly game that kids play. It means nothing to me now; love brings me nowhere, not where I am today. I take pride in sorrow, fear and pain. Something which you, as a mortal, will never ever understand. How can you understand a non-living creature like me? Nor will I make you one, if the only purpose of this transformation is for this silliness. There’s no joy in being an undead; cursed to being just an empty soulless body that forever wanders the face of the earth, forever seeking for that soul which they had sold and could never be regain, eternally.
Soren leader, you have your own duties to perform, don’t you? Are you just going to abandon your own people just for me? I doubt so. I will not mark you either, seeing as there’re no significant gains which I can get out of marking a Soren leader. We, the undead, do not need the Sorens as our frontline warriors. If this war must come to be, you and I will be on different sides, even if it means having the Lycans and the Methians against us. I will see to the death of the Cirrus, by killing her with my own hands, if I'd to be slayed in exchange for that.
It’s a shame, if only I had met you sooner. If only I had met you when I was still alive. I would have learned what love is, from you.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
Common Senseless Thoughts
Destroyer of Worlds (Gaia)
Helena Marionette stares off into space as she sits alone in her office looking out of her 80-storey building.
'Thalia has been complaining alot. Why doesn't she understand my position? Why doesn't she understand me? And she says I do not understand her?!' she thought to herself, sighing louder than usual. As Earth's leader, she musn't show any signs of weakness, any hint of fear, not anything that would jeopardise the planet. Not when you have the Alverians and the Raghuls eyeing on your planet, waiting anxiously for just one wrong move to disperse Earth into nothingness. Intuition tells her that war is inevitable.
'If the Alverians or the Raghuls were to come, we humans will not give up without a fight. I hope that one day, you would understand me because you are my family'.
She took out an empty sheet of paper and started to pen down her thoughts:-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feeling a little jaded with mankind. Everybody always wants to be understood, wants to put first, this and that yaddi yadda, 'ME! ME! ME!'. Where's the empathy? Is it only that the weaklings show empathy? Just because they try to empathise with the world that they are taken advantage of and made it seemed like a weakness. The feeling of being trampled over and over again. Oh, joy! It's annoying that it's so sickening. They just swallow in their pride and sorrow while crying silently in the corner. Do you even hear them whine? No, perhaps the world is just too ignorant to notice it. Or perhaps I should say, blind?! What about those who wanted to whine?! They do have something to complaint about, don't they?! Everybody have something they're not contented at, right?! Why is it that all their words are just muffled out by those who're just good at making a mountain out of a molehill.
You shut your mouth just for a puny hill? Is it worth it?
I don't know, it just seemed that what I'd to say is not important at all.
So you just agreed to be pushed aside?
Am I given an option!? Can I just shout out all my feelings without a single care in the world?!
You could.. But I try not to.
Why do you choose to tolerate all this?!
I've been doing it all my life that it had become who I am now. Been brought up with a 'your thought does not matter at all' way.Yeah, so just go ahead and mow all my feelings down with your bulldozer. I had a lifetime training for it. Bring it on!!
What would you give so that they would just open their eyes, shut up and listen?
Everything..
If it's sympathy you're giving me, then just save it for yourself. I don't need it. I know I'd hurt people sometimes but do they know that they have hurt me too?
But perhaps, it is me, not being understanding enough. It's a joke then, if I want the world to understand me.
I put on such good show that the world can't see the person behind the mask. Or would they prefer the mask instead?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reaching for the lighter in the drawer, she swiftly lighted the piece of paper. She threw it into an ash tray, watching it burn slowly. Now her thoughts will never be heard.
Helena Marionette stares off into space as she sits alone in her office looking out of her 80-storey building.
'Thalia has been complaining alot. Why doesn't she understand my position? Why doesn't she understand me? And she says I do not understand her?!' she thought to herself, sighing louder than usual. As Earth's leader, she musn't show any signs of weakness, any hint of fear, not anything that would jeopardise the planet. Not when you have the Alverians and the Raghuls eyeing on your planet, waiting anxiously for just one wrong move to disperse Earth into nothingness. Intuition tells her that war is inevitable.
'If the Alverians or the Raghuls were to come, we humans will not give up without a fight. I hope that one day, you would understand me because you are my family'.
She took out an empty sheet of paper and started to pen down her thoughts:-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feeling a little jaded with mankind. Everybody always wants to be understood, wants to put first, this and that yaddi yadda, 'ME! ME! ME!'. Where's the empathy? Is it only that the weaklings show empathy? Just because they try to empathise with the world that they are taken advantage of and made it seemed like a weakness. The feeling of being trampled over and over again. Oh, joy! It's annoying that it's so sickening. They just swallow in their pride and sorrow while crying silently in the corner. Do you even hear them whine? No, perhaps the world is just too ignorant to notice it. Or perhaps I should say, blind?! What about those who wanted to whine?! They do have something to complaint about, don't they?! Everybody have something they're not contented at, right?! Why is it that all their words are just muffled out by those who're just good at making a mountain out of a molehill.
You shut your mouth just for a puny hill? Is it worth it?
I don't know, it just seemed that what I'd to say is not important at all.
So you just agreed to be pushed aside?
Am I given an option!? Can I just shout out all my feelings without a single care in the world?!
You could.. But I try not to.
Why do you choose to tolerate all this?!
I've been doing it all my life that it had become who I am now. Been brought up with a 'your thought does not matter at all' way.Yeah, so just go ahead and mow all my feelings down with your bulldozer. I had a lifetime training for it. Bring it on!!
What would you give so that they would just open their eyes, shut up and listen?
Everything..
If it's sympathy you're giving me, then just save it for yourself. I don't need it. I know I'd hurt people sometimes but do they know that they have hurt me too?
But perhaps, it is me, not being understanding enough. It's a joke then, if I want the world to understand me.
I put on such good show that the world can't see the person behind the mask. Or would they prefer the mask instead?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reaching for the lighter in the drawer, she swiftly lighted the piece of paper. She threw it into an ash tray, watching it burn slowly. Now her thoughts will never be heard.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Fen Lie(Split Apart) - Jay
This is the time where the existence of assignments and exams are just to make your life miserable. You so easily slipped in and out of depression just like that. Was watching Jay's video clip on youtube on Saturday night (more like Sunday morning) because I couldn't do a single thing and ended up not sleeping at all. The video clip showed Jay in highschool about how a loner he was and a rebel as well. The old school where he was from, how he sat in class alone dreading each day he's there. Walking back the same route to and fro to school somehow becomes so routine-like that it's just so sickening. Watching back the video clip made me miss my highschool life so much as well as home. Was I a loner back then? Not really, at times though. Was I a rebel? Definitely, I don't take no orders from nobody. I do what I want and I do what I like.
Watching back the video clip makes me remember the times when I was in highschool, not doing my work, going against rules;that was my favourite, although i was a prefect.. hahaha. Who cares?! The discipline teacher wasn't doing her job as well. Remember staying back at school just so that i don't have to go home early. Walking to the opposite shoplots with friends and just patronising the bookshops there, reading their comics, touching all the stuff in there. The bookshop aunty will be glaring at us. Hahaha..sue me, like I care. I dread every Tuesday, just because it was the day i had my organ class. I would go, 'Ugh.. call me, call me and postpone the class, pleeeeeeasee..'. I miss sitting in the classroom, next to a classmate. "Heys, did you do this? Can i borrow your notes ah? I belanja you pepsi 50cents later." I remember going down to the canteen and buying a plate of 70cents nasi lemak without meat but with curry sauce. I miss seeing the green blackboard where the teacher still uses the old white chalk to write her notes on it. Still remember sitting in class while watching the teacher write on the blackboard. 'How long more do I have to see this stupid green piece of wood. It's sickening me.'
Sports' day be the best 'cause that's where I get to be in-charge with lots of stuff and it made me feel really important. Listening to the sickening marching tune which is repeated like almost every year,now i could not really remember the tune at all. I miss being a unit leader to my juniors,it was fun while it lasted, sorry guys if I'd ever did anything wrong or hurt your feelings. I miss the prefect gathering where i was in-charge with games,how all of us anticipate the last event which was the dance event *snickers* that was really a brilliant idea, Wen Jac. Now that I could no longer be part of that event, it's sad. I miss walking over the 5 Sains 3 to join the club. How we relate to each other; I'm not alone. Walking over to 5Sains2 and being to bullied by Chee Kai!? I miss that too, sometimes only. I miss everytime when Wai Yee and Gak Wai is free, they'll come over with their guitar and just chat in the class until the teacher comes.
I miss going to Chemistry lab, watching Andrew burnt his finger with Barium Sulfide was funny. I miss going to Biology lab, donating saliva wasn't easy, seriously. Physics lab, uhm.. not really though, I couldn't understand a word he's saying, literally. I miss eating in class, not caring whether the teacher had something to say or not. LOL! I even walked in once in the middle of the class while the teacher was teaching. Terrible student! Hehe >.<>.< . The scrabble competition was the coolest event I ever joined, well probably the only national event I guess. We make the best team; me, Indrani, Swee Shean and Charlene. Hey! 5th in whole of KL you know, don't play play! I miss singing 'Hari Ini Ku rasa Bahagia' in CF, making it the theme song for the year. CHee Kai and his gang would go "Again this song ah!?"
I miss going out recess 15 mins early with Sangeetha and Swee Shean. I miss 'Hari Terbuka' where our parents come to get our report card, we'll be sweating wondering what the teacher would say to our parents. If it was something bad, then my papa would say, "Go home eat rotan!" LOL! Nah, he'd never said that at all 'cause I was a good girl. *angelic halo glows on head* I miss going "OI Suki!!" *whacks him on the arm* and we'll speak in malay instead of chinese, weird but unique. Hehe! I miss listening to the class monitor says " Bangun! Selamat Sejahtera, Cikgu!" I miss playing gold dust and water on days where my classmates go crazy. Yesh, we're all crazy. Miss being teased by them, though not all the time. I miss how my friends would help me to tie my tie. Thank you, guys! I still suck at it. Thank you Mei Kee, Lee Yan, Siew Lee and Lynnie for that wonderful experience. The confilcts, the joy, the laughter, everything. I really miss you guys. Perhaps, for this coming holidays, I'm going to go back to school and sit there reminiscing good ol'stuff that we guys use to do.. hehe.
Highschool days was one of the best and nothing could come close to that experience.
Click title for Jay's Fen Lie(分裂) MTV
Watching back the video clip makes me remember the times when I was in highschool, not doing my work, going against rules;that was my favourite, although i was a prefect.. hahaha. Who cares?! The discipline teacher wasn't doing her job as well. Remember staying back at school just so that i don't have to go home early. Walking to the opposite shoplots with friends and just patronising the bookshops there, reading their comics, touching all the stuff in there. The bookshop aunty will be glaring at us. Hahaha..sue me, like I care. I dread every Tuesday, just because it was the day i had my organ class. I would go, 'Ugh.. call me, call me and postpone the class, pleeeeeeasee..'. I miss sitting in the classroom, next to a classmate. "Heys, did you do this? Can i borrow your notes ah? I belanja you pepsi 50cents later." I remember going down to the canteen and buying a plate of 70cents nasi lemak without meat but with curry sauce. I miss seeing the green blackboard where the teacher still uses the old white chalk to write her notes on it. Still remember sitting in class while watching the teacher write on the blackboard. 'How long more do I have to see this stupid green piece of wood. It's sickening me.'
Sports' day be the best 'cause that's where I get to be in-charge with lots of stuff and it made me feel really important. Listening to the sickening marching tune which is repeated like almost every year,now i could not really remember the tune at all. I miss being a unit leader to my juniors,it was fun while it lasted, sorry guys if I'd ever did anything wrong or hurt your feelings. I miss the prefect gathering where i was in-charge with games,how all of us anticipate the last event which was the dance event *snickers* that was really a brilliant idea, Wen Jac. Now that I could no longer be part of that event, it's sad. I miss walking over the 5 Sains 3 to join the club. How we relate to each other; I'm not alone. Walking over to 5Sains2 and being to bullied by Chee Kai!? I miss that too, sometimes only. I miss everytime when Wai Yee and Gak Wai is free, they'll come over with their guitar and just chat in the class until the teacher comes.
I miss going to Chemistry lab, watching Andrew burnt his finger with Barium Sulfide was funny. I miss going to Biology lab, donating saliva wasn't easy, seriously. Physics lab, uhm.. not really though, I couldn't understand a word he's saying, literally. I miss eating in class, not caring whether the teacher had something to say or not. LOL! I even walked in once in the middle of the class while the teacher was teaching. Terrible student! Hehe >.<>.< . The scrabble competition was the coolest event I ever joined, well probably the only national event I guess. We make the best team; me, Indrani, Swee Shean and Charlene. Hey! 5th in whole of KL you know, don't play play! I miss singing 'Hari Ini Ku rasa Bahagia' in CF, making it the theme song for the year. CHee Kai and his gang would go "Again this song ah!?"
I miss going out recess 15 mins early with Sangeetha and Swee Shean. I miss 'Hari Terbuka' where our parents come to get our report card, we'll be sweating wondering what the teacher would say to our parents. If it was something bad, then my papa would say, "Go home eat rotan!" LOL! Nah, he'd never said that at all 'cause I was a good girl. *angelic halo glows on head* I miss going "OI Suki!!" *whacks him on the arm* and we'll speak in malay instead of chinese, weird but unique. Hehe! I miss listening to the class monitor says " Bangun! Selamat Sejahtera, Cikgu!" I miss playing gold dust and water on days where my classmates go crazy. Yesh, we're all crazy. Miss being teased by them, though not all the time. I miss how my friends would help me to tie my tie. Thank you, guys! I still suck at it. Thank you Mei Kee, Lee Yan, Siew Lee and Lynnie for that wonderful experience. The confilcts, the joy, the laughter, everything. I really miss you guys. Perhaps, for this coming holidays, I'm going to go back to school and sit there reminiscing good ol'stuff that we guys use to do.. hehe.
Highschool days was one of the best and nothing could come close to that experience.
Click title for Jay's Fen Lie(分裂) MTV
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Kyssa's Thought
Speaking on behalf of one of my alter-egos, Kyssa (Gaia):
It's funny how somehow you're in a situation where you're so torn, you just don't know what you want anymore. Everyday you're just going through an inner turmoil where you are at war with yourself. Your heart tells you another thing and your brain tries to influence you with another. This is just so weird. You just don't want to do it for the fear of failing, rejection and yet if you don't do it, you'll never know the answer, FOR LIFE!! I hate it how you're so stuck and you just go on living in denial. Am I living in denial, yes.. have always been.
I had missed so many opportunities, so many stuff just because of one bloody word, FEAR! Guess I've just said goodbye to one already. The risk of putting myself in an open field where I'm just one easy target. And I just got shot dead, by telling him what I want a guy to do. And dammit, he just did nothing. Sad but oh well, life's just gotta go on. Guess I've finally got my answer all this years. I don't want to wait for you anymore. Almost on the verge of forgeting you but you just had to appear out of nowhere. Revoking the memories of you in me. Why!?
I feel so tired. Why is it that I have to put on a mask every time I see you. Why is it that every time we see each other, you’ll be playing this mind tricks with me. Can’t you see, can’t you see that I do feel for you. Why is it that you trapped me in your stupid games? Why is it that I still fall for it knowing it’s a trap. Why is it that you break my heart time after time but I still forgive you? Why is it that you break your promise time after time yet I still forgive you? Why is it when I need you, you’re never there? Why is it that I always think of you when I know I could never have you. Why is it that you torture me so with just your simple doings. Why is it that you can’t leave me alone? Why is it that I love to hear those words you say? Why is it that with those same words, it also makes me ache? Why is it that I so willingly do everything you ask me to? Why am I so stupid to even begin with? Why is it that I’m so afraid to say what I truly feel? Why is it even so hard to say it out? Why is it that you are giving me these illusions; I love them but in reality they are not even there? Why is it that I’m still waiting even though I know that you will never come? Why is it that you do not know of this? Why is it that you will never know?
Don’t make me hate you. Don’t make me miss you. Don’t make me love you. Don’t make me think of you. Don’t make me suffer. Don’t make me cry. Don’t make me beg you.
Please, don’t make me hate myself for loving you.
It's funny how somehow you're in a situation where you're so torn, you just don't know what you want anymore. Everyday you're just going through an inner turmoil where you are at war with yourself. Your heart tells you another thing and your brain tries to influence you with another. This is just so weird. You just don't want to do it for the fear of failing, rejection and yet if you don't do it, you'll never know the answer, FOR LIFE!! I hate it how you're so stuck and you just go on living in denial. Am I living in denial, yes.. have always been.
I had missed so many opportunities, so many stuff just because of one bloody word, FEAR! Guess I've just said goodbye to one already. The risk of putting myself in an open field where I'm just one easy target. And I just got shot dead, by telling him what I want a guy to do. And dammit, he just did nothing. Sad but oh well, life's just gotta go on. Guess I've finally got my answer all this years. I don't want to wait for you anymore. Almost on the verge of forgeting you but you just had to appear out of nowhere. Revoking the memories of you in me. Why!?
I feel so tired. Why is it that I have to put on a mask every time I see you. Why is it that every time we see each other, you’ll be playing this mind tricks with me. Can’t you see, can’t you see that I do feel for you. Why is it that you trapped me in your stupid games? Why is it that I still fall for it knowing it’s a trap. Why is it that you break my heart time after time but I still forgive you? Why is it that you break your promise time after time yet I still forgive you? Why is it when I need you, you’re never there? Why is it that I always think of you when I know I could never have you. Why is it that you torture me so with just your simple doings. Why is it that you can’t leave me alone? Why is it that I love to hear those words you say? Why is it that with those same words, it also makes me ache? Why is it that I so willingly do everything you ask me to? Why am I so stupid to even begin with? Why is it that I’m so afraid to say what I truly feel? Why is it even so hard to say it out? Why is it that you are giving me these illusions; I love them but in reality they are not even there? Why is it that I’m still waiting even though I know that you will never come? Why is it that you do not know of this? Why is it that you will never know?
Don’t make me hate you. Don’t make me miss you. Don’t make me love you. Don’t make me think of you. Don’t make me suffer. Don’t make me cry. Don’t make me beg you.
Please, don’t make me hate myself for loving you.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Teh Opening! ~Earth2025~
First post on one of the numerous idillic blogs that I'd ever signed up for. Woot! *cuts ribbons and officiates* Life's so far had been pretty fine beside assignments that are neverending and somehow they seem to pile up and CHOKE THE HELL OUT OF YOU and before you know it, you're GASPING for AIR, more like reaching for a GUN in your drawer, pushing it into your mouth and then PULLING THE TRIGGER.... ahhh..... Bliss~~~
Yeah, if that was an option. Ehem, that was a joke people. It's suppose to be funny...right? >.> <.<
Hehe... Let me introduce you to a recent game which had got me addicted, but not as bad as Gaia did.. hehe.. *drums rolling* Earth 2025!!
Yeah, if that was an option. Ehem, that was a joke people. It's suppose to be funny...right? >.> <.<
Hehe... Let me introduce you to a recent game which had got me addicted, but not as bad as Gaia did.. hehe.. *drums rolling* Earth 2025!!
' Earth: 2025 is the first of a new generation of unique interactive games designed to be played directly on the web. Centrally located on the Swirve.com website, Earth: 2025 brings together tens thousands of players in an interactive gaming environment that's more addictive, entertaining, and engaging than anything you'll play against a computer or just a few opponents. You'll get the opportunity to take command of a fledging country and manage its economy, military, diplomacy and more as you try to make yourself the most powerful in the world'.
It's been 4 years since I'd first touched this game and i know nuts bout it.. yeah i was clueless and my clan leader wasn't that pleased >.< 
At first I thought my country was going fine, until my friend, Eric told me that his country had a smaller land area, half my population, about twice the size of my military and his country networth is more than mine. HOW CAN THIS BE?! For each round I produced 35 Spies, 105 Troops, 105 Jets, 105 Turrets, 22 Tanks, and 292 Oil Barrels. I need more industrial complexes. So i decided to try something new. I sent spies to cause dissension within his country, twice. For each turn, about 500 of his troops ran away. I'd even sent spies to commit espionage where I'd stole some of his technology points. Bet he didn't realise that! LOL!! I was laughing while reading the statement. Then he IMed me,
Isarde: I'm going to shoot some deserters.
Sherli: LOL! Deserters?!
Isarde: My troops. They deserted my country for some reasons.
Sherli: LOL! I bet it's because of your 70% tax rate. They hate it so they left.
Isarde: Probably.
Hahahahha... I was laughing my head off. Sorry, Eric. *sweats* If you're reading this. It was just a mere small experiment. You had twice the number of troop I had.. 500 is nothing, right... Hehehe.. don't nuke my country pleease.. I still need you as my ally. *winks*
This tournament ends on the 29 of June and hopefully I'll still be alive in the game. LOL! Saw one of those advertising quotes which actually brought a smile to my face. Yeap.. Don't call my Shirley.. LOL.. sounds gay.
Surely you don't click ads? "I always click ads, and don't call my Shirley!".
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